Under Construction

I went to one of my favorite spots today. It's the Starbucks in my cute little downtown - about 4 blocks from my house. There is lovely outdoor seating by a fountain we share with our sister city in France. It is my happy place. I go there to read, journal, relax. I haven't been for a few weeks, but made it a priority to go today and recharge before my busy event week at work.

I sat outside on this beautiful Fall day. I soaked up the sun. I enjoyed coffee. I talked to a few strangers. I read parts of 3 books. I journaled.

And I noticed caution tape. They are doing some sort of construction near the train tracks. It tainted my idyllic experience.  It made my happy place a little less happy.

Later today, I went out for a run. Again, I saw caution tape. The sidewalks along a mile of my usual route have been dug up for construction.

Hmmmm...

I've been thinking a lot lately about self-care. I am admittedly really bad at this, but getting better. When life is stressful, sad, difficult - I choose to numb. There are many ways to do this, and I think I've tried most of the legal ones. I keep busy so I don't have to face what is happening.  I eat comfort food. I watch episode after episode on Netflix. I escape through sports. I shop. The list goes on.

I've cognitively known for some time that these techniques do not help. What helps is going to Starbucks. Sitting outside and reading, journaling, talking to people, or going for a run.  But I find I often have to choose to do those things. It is far easier to pick the closest numbing device.

So today, I chose to spend time to actively rest and recharge through two of my go-to mechanisms, and both of them were under construction. I'm not sure what to lesson to learn from this, but here is what I've come up with: life is hard. Even when we make the right choices, life is hard. Obstacles and caution tape get in our way.

These mechanisms I've employed for active rest have been really helpful for me. They have changed my outlook on life. They have helped pull me out of depression (and continue to keep me from falling back in). They have kept me in from numbing. And I don't want them to change. But this caution tape was a good reminder to me that these mechanisms will likely change over the years. What is important is that I continue to tend to myself and find ways to actively rest. Any recommendations for me?