I Just Felt Like Running
That's one of my favorite quotes from Forrest Gump. I just felt like running. I don't remember exactly when I started running. I think it was in late high school or early college. I was not athletic. At all. I can't remember what compelled me to start running, other than I just felt like running one day. I listened to a podcast on my way home today on running as a spiritual practice (definitely worth a listen), and it made me think about why I run.
Ever since that first run, I have had a love/hate relationship with running. Mostly hate, but also love for reasons that are hard to put words around. Our relationship has been on again and off again. Hot and cold. Sometimes we can't get enough of each other, and other times we go years without speaking. But we always seem to find ourselves together again. So, why do I keep going back to it? Here are a few reasons I was able to come up with while running today:
Running teaches me to be ok with failure. I am terrible at running. I don't say this with great modesty, hoping people will protest. I'm SO SLOW. People walk faster than I run. That is not an exaggeration. I think that is why I like it. I am a perfectionist and really hard on myself. I have very high expectations of myself and, therefore, don't often do things that might lead to failure. Failure is in my top five fears, and I avoid it at all costs. Running is something I do even though I know I will fail at it. I have no chance at being the first person across the finish line. There is something freeing about that. It is freeing to know I am not good at running and choose to do it anyway.
Running is a miracle to me. Because I am so bad at it, any accomplishment is truly miraculous. I ran the Chicago Half Marathon a few years ago with Team in Training. I did it to support a great cause, honor my aunt who had recently passed away, and to challenge myself. I honestly didn't think I could do it, but my coaches assured me I could. Each weekend our team did a long run together. I was always one of the last to finish, but I always finished. I remember the first time I ran 5 miles, then 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 12 and finally 13.1. Each new milestone was a miracle to me. How in the world did I just do that? It wasn't easy. Any time I run 10+ miles, I cry. That distance breaks something in me. Even that is rewarding - to know I can push my body to that limit and keep going (even while crying). It really is a miracle.
Running has taught me how to love my body. This is still a struggle and probably will always be. Running has been a patient teacher in this regard. Running taught me that my body responds well when it is treated well. I had seen my body respond when I starved it or when I went on a cookie binge. Running taught me that my body will respond to positive things as well. I learned that when I eat healthy and get enough sleep, I run better. And it all feeds off of each other. Running makes me want to eat better. Eating better makes me want to run more. Most of all, running shows me what my body can do. How can I speak hate over it when it just carried me 3 miles or 13 miles? Running reminds me that my body is a beautiful thing.
Running is meditation. My mind is always running (ha-pun!) and it's so hard to shut it off. Because running is so difficult for me, it's all I can think about when I'm doing it. The feeling of my feet on the pavement. The swing of my arms. My breath. The pain in my muscles. It keeps me present and pushes all thoughts and anxieties aside. Sometimes I reach the place when my mind goes completely blank. Running is truly the only way I know how to achieve that.
Running is best when traveling. I remember all my runs from my travels - running by the St. Louis Arch, down Miami Beach, Music Row in Nashville, in the humidity on Hilton Head Island...and so much more. Running creates a stillness in me and a constant for me. I love that I just need to pack my shoes, and I can find that stillness wherever I go.
I'm slowly learning to actually enjoy running. When I'm doing it, I rarely enjoy it. It's only after the run that I can appreciate it. But this is changing. When Spring rolled around a few months ago, I planned on doing a half marathon in September. I typically run with some sort of goal in mind. This time, I decided to do something different - no specific goal other than to enjoy the run. I didn't want an app whispering in my ear how far I had gone (and how slowly I had done it). I haven't been running as frequently as I would like this summer, but when I go out...I just go. Just because I feel like running.
Maybe I'm starting to love running more than I hate it. MAYBE.
Ever since that first run, I have had a love/hate relationship with running. Mostly hate, but also love for reasons that are hard to put words around. Our relationship has been on again and off again. Hot and cold. Sometimes we can't get enough of each other, and other times we go years without speaking. But we always seem to find ourselves together again. So, why do I keep going back to it? Here are a few reasons I was able to come up with while running today:
Running teaches me to be ok with failure. I am terrible at running. I don't say this with great modesty, hoping people will protest. I'm SO SLOW. People walk faster than I run. That is not an exaggeration. I think that is why I like it. I am a perfectionist and really hard on myself. I have very high expectations of myself and, therefore, don't often do things that might lead to failure. Failure is in my top five fears, and I avoid it at all costs. Running is something I do even though I know I will fail at it. I have no chance at being the first person across the finish line. There is something freeing about that. It is freeing to know I am not good at running and choose to do it anyway.
Running has taught me how to love my body. This is still a struggle and probably will always be. Running has been a patient teacher in this regard. Running taught me that my body responds well when it is treated well. I had seen my body respond when I starved it or when I went on a cookie binge. Running taught me that my body will respond to positive things as well. I learned that when I eat healthy and get enough sleep, I run better. And it all feeds off of each other. Running makes me want to eat better. Eating better makes me want to run more. Most of all, running shows me what my body can do. How can I speak hate over it when it just carried me 3 miles or 13 miles? Running reminds me that my body is a beautiful thing.
Running is meditation. My mind is always running (ha-pun!) and it's so hard to shut it off. Because running is so difficult for me, it's all I can think about when I'm doing it. The feeling of my feet on the pavement. The swing of my arms. My breath. The pain in my muscles. It keeps me present and pushes all thoughts and anxieties aside. Sometimes I reach the place when my mind goes completely blank. Running is truly the only way I know how to achieve that.
Running is best when traveling. I remember all my runs from my travels - running by the St. Louis Arch, down Miami Beach, Music Row in Nashville, in the humidity on Hilton Head Island...and so much more. Running creates a stillness in me and a constant for me. I love that I just need to pack my shoes, and I can find that stillness wherever I go.
I'm slowly learning to actually enjoy running. When I'm doing it, I rarely enjoy it. It's only after the run that I can appreciate it. But this is changing. When Spring rolled around a few months ago, I planned on doing a half marathon in September. I typically run with some sort of goal in mind. This time, I decided to do something different - no specific goal other than to enjoy the run. I didn't want an app whispering in my ear how far I had gone (and how slowly I had done it). I haven't been running as frequently as I would like this summer, but when I go out...I just go. Just because I feel like running.
Maybe I'm starting to love running more than I hate it. MAYBE.
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